i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
