You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
