I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize