we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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