I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
