hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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