I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
