I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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