So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
