My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
