just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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