who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
