He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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