WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
someone owes me an orgasm
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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