addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's rum buckets o'clock
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
