Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
