she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
