An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
