Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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