I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he thought i was a dude.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
