Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
