My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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