so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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