she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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