this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
