Just cropdusted the office
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
