My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
