Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
