sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
