i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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