wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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