Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
