Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
