THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
