I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
