My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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