When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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