i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
