He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I party with great urgency now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
