Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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