I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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