Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
