guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
