I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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