dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
