I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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