sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
