she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
