sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
