My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
