How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
