I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
