i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
