she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
