Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
