I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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