Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
