My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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