She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
