really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
