what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
