haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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