dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
