No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
