i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it glows. i had to have it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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