You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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