Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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