she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
