My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
