Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
