if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
