the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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