I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
