Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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